In this week’s post we look at 5 tips for choosing the right life partner… because maybe you find yourself starting relationships out of habit, or because you don’t want to be alone. Or maybe relationships ‘just sort of happen’ to you. These are all common issues, but it doesn’t have to be like this. You can be in the driving seat!
Unconscious decisions at the beginning of your relationships can often lead to problems later down the line.
You might jump into something without thinking it through or really considering what you want and why.
In a flurry of excitement, intense feelings take over and you can find yourself doing and saying anything to make things work.
And this is where the problems start…
Because when we blindly embark on our next serious relationship – or even casual fling – without being fully present we can often feel, in the end, that this person was wrong for us.
We may also feel that our perfect match doesn’t really exist, and that we should just settle for less.
But a truly authentic, supportive, harmonious relationship is out there, if you learn to follow your head and your heart.
Take a look at these 5 tips for choosing the right life partner…
Have you examined your motives?
There’s a well-worn quote which springs to mind here… ‘choose love not fear’. So often, we choose a partner or get stuck in an unhappy relationship out of fear. That sort of feeling usually comes from the primal anxiety of being alone.
But making decisions out of fear isn’t going to help you in the long run. Your judgement will be clouded, you may become anxious, and you’ll surely know deep in your gut that something is wrong.
So, examine why it is you’re drawn to someone in the first place. Make sure you’re acting authentically and honouring your true self. Also, think about whether factors like boredom, stress or peer and family pressure are playing a part in your decision-making process.
Are you looking at the bigger picture?
Some people have exhaustive lists of the characteristics their life partner should possess, but in reality, this can often be misleading or confusing. We’re all so complex, with our unique pros and cons, so this may be too simplistic.
Another way to approach this is to think to yourself… ‘do their life goals match mine?’ And for that, of course, you need to have some idea where you’re headed.
Once you have your own life goals sorted, it becomes easier to pair up with people who are instantly going to be a better, more secure, stable and authentic match for you.
Are you being driven by physical attraction only?
Physical attraction can be the main driver early on in relationships – you’re drawn to someone by the way they make you feel.
The exciting rush of dopamine and adrenalin are powerful drugs which pull you towards the other person… unfortunately they can also cloud your intuition and better judgement.
It’s important to take a step back at this point and assess the situation.
Consider your life goals, your motivations, and most of all, remember that for this to work there needs to be a balance between physical attraction and mental and emotional compatibility. The three don’t always go hand-in-hand.
Want to know about the science behind lust and attraction? Have a read of this riveting article from Harvard University Graduate School…
Are you hoping you can change this person and ‘make’ them a more suitable partner in the longer run?
Sometimes you know right off the bat that this person isn’t quite right for you – maybe your gut is screaming this at you, or your close friends are gently telling you.
Note this feeling and sit with it. Be under no illusion that the person you have chosen is going to change for you – because they physically can’t.
And the longer you stay with someone you know isn’t right and who you’re hoping to change, the longer you block yourself from meeting the right person.
Learn to let go and move on. Let them be them and you can keep yourself busy with honouring yourself too.
Do you have the basics in common?
This one feeds into the point about life goals above, but it’s much more fundamental than that.
Know that, while it doesn’t matter where someone was raised or how, there are some deal breakers you need to face up to.
Consider this; one of you is desperate for kids and the other isn’t. How will this work in real life, when the romantic bubble bursts?
Or, what if your political and spiritual beliefs are completely misaligned yet you feel strongly about both? Is this something you can cope with long-term?
Open your eyes to this one and challenge your own tolerances, intolerances and belief systems before examining anyone else’s.
Interested in taking the next step to finding your perfect partner?
Here at LoaWellness, we help successful, ambitious women to access healthier, more authentic relationships.
We do this by combining elements of psychology, yogic practices and transformational coaching into three tailored programmes.
Each one offers you the chance to dive deep into your emotional past and present, allowing you to mould the emotional future you deserve.
We start by offering a complimentary Chemistry Call to learn more about you and your needs and check we’re a good fit to work together.
After that, we move into a deeper transformational programme that will set you on your path to romantic and emotional fulfilment. Learn the stories of some women we’ve already helped.
Want to book your Chemistry Call now? You can do it here!